


Miscommunications

by xIrelandx (orphan_account)



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humour, but upon later re-reading it sounded hilarious, comments, critiques, hell i don't even remember writing the first chapter, it doesn't even make sense, like seriously, so I'm open to ideas, so much crack, this plot, whatever
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-23
Updated: 2012-07-23
Packaged: 2017-11-10 14:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/467157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/xIrelandx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Soul sucks at communicating - or at least, communicating appropriately. That's about to change. Or, you know, maybe not. Flashbacks. Extremely fluffy in a weird way, piled with innuendo. Crack plots and pairings and dialogue. SoMa and Marie/Stein.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sometimes I honestly wonder if my head is screwed on right. Like yesterday, Maka comes up to me and is doing this weird thing with her feet where and she's twirling her skirt so much that you can almost see her underwear which believe me, would be incredibly _un_ cool, and she's mumbling and muttering, and 98% of the stuff she's saying isn't making sense, since she's mostly just repeating some variant of 'I need to talk to you' or 'I have to confess something', and since I really _don't_ want to see her skirt over her head, I ask her why's she acting so weird. And she kinda stops doing everything she's doing, in mid-doing it, and she looks at me absolutely horrified, and she starts crying and literally runs through the door, which is the strangest thing I've ever seen her do, and I still have no idea why she's done any of the stuff she just did.

And who do I go to to express my confusion? Black*Star. Black*Star. What kind of a moron talks to Black*Star when they're confused? It's a recipe for disaster. Black*Star doesn't know, not that that stops him from guessing. So he tells me she's coming to her senses and she wants to switch partners so she can work with him, because she's in love with him. Not only is this one of the sickening thoughts I've ever had, but I also have to remind the dumbass that they're both meisters. I can't believe he forgot something that basic. Why am I calling myself a moron? He's the moron. I'm more just an idiot. If there is a difference.

But of course Tsubaki knows what's going on with Maka. I mean, duh, they're best friends. Now that I think about it, it's like that cartoon with the people who live in the stone age and one couplet is like a bitchy chick and her equally bitchy husband and then that hot chick (don't tell me you weren't thinkin' it) and her dumbass of a husband, and they're all best friends. That's like the four of us, except we're not married. But Tsubaki calls me 'Baka' and attempts to explain what's going on with Maka. A lot of it is basic stuff. You know, Kishin, Medusa, Crona, exams coming up, normal stuff that Maka's always angsty about, but I can't figure out the rest of it.

'Well, what did she say to you?'

'She said she had to tell me something. Like she had to confess –' oh. OH. Fucking GODDAMNSHIIT.

Yeah, what do you think happens when I go home and try to straighten things out? Yeah, we fight but we always do that. It's like fighting's our way of getting along. That's just how we interact. It's weird. I don't think anyone else argues as much as we do. But yeah, we have the argument. The argument that goes like this:

'I don't want to talk about it, Soul.'

'Oh like _Hell_ you don't.'

'Seriously Soul, just leave me alone.'

'Don't you wanna hear what I have to say?'

'No, not really.'

'Of course not, why did I even bother asking…'

'What's that supposed to mean?'

'Nothing.'

'What does it mean!'

'Nothing! Forget about!'

'Tell me!'

'No! God, you're so impossible to please!'

'Since when have you ever cared about pleasing me?'

'Uhm, guys, dinner is –'

'SHUT UP BLAIR!'

'Don't yell at her! She didn't do anything!'

'Oh yeah, that's right, because I want her to suffocate me all the damn time!'

'Well you don't stop her!'

'She's huge! Like seriously, she's 7 feet tall! I'm 5-foot-10 at the most, what do you expect me to do? Her boobs alone weigh more than I do!'

'Is that some sort of slight against me?'

'How the Hell would it be?'

'Because you're always insulting me!'

'No I'm not! Where do you even get this? What the Hell is wrong with you!'

'Nothing!' At this point, we actually move. Up until now, she's been laying on the couch, reading a book. Now she slams the book on the coffee table and stands up, almost nose to nose with me.

'Like Hell there isn't something wrong! Just tell me, dammit! I'm your partner, don't you trust me!'

'Yes. No. Maybe. Almost!'

'What?'

'I trust you with my life, okay, just not with…other things?'

'Other things? Hey! Don't walk away from me, Little Miss Manners! It's rude!' She punches me, but I deserved it. I grabbed onto her wrist. That's rude, for you. I just wasn't expecting her to punch my face.

Among other things, she starts crying and apologizing. I laugh. I don't know what else to do. I mean, we'd been getting along until today. She goes from acting weird around me – at least now I know why – to beating the shit out of me. All in one day. We are some weird kind of friends.

'Why are you laughing? I just hit you!'

'You're insane!'

'I am not!'

'Oh, shut up Maka. You know I'm not being mean.'

'What? You just called me insane!'

'Well duh. That's how I show affection.' She actually goes _hmph_ at me. Wow. For a tomboy, she can be pretty damn girly when she wants to be.

'As _if_. You don't care about me.' This conversation is about to get all kinds of ugly and really damn fast.

'How can you say that?'

'You protect me because it's your _job_. You said so yourself!'

'Well _yeah_ it's my job, but if I really didn't like your or care about you I wouldn't be half as good at it.' It looks like she doesn't understand.

'I don't understand.' What did I tell ya?

'Look, yeah it's my job. I'm a weapon. You use me to protect yourself and other people. But, ya know, if I didn't like you or care about you as much as I did, I'd just be like Tsubaki, and I'd just copy whatever you do, act like a damn tool.'

'Tsubaki cares about Black*Star…'

'Not too much to _not_ hurt him. I mean, the guy is pussy-whipped like you wouldn't believe. Don't get me wrong, I like Tsubaki, but she doesn't protect him from harm.'

'And here I thought you were just practicing extremism.'

'Have you ever known me to do _anything_ to the extreme? I'm lazy as shit. Why would I go the extra mile at my job if I didn't like you so damn much?' She looks like she's gonna cry.

'Do you…do you mean that?'

'Well, yeah, I mean. I don't have any other friends. I'm kinda pathetic. Gotta keep the ones I got.' For some reason, I don't think I'm communicating myself very well. And it shows, because it goes back to her assuming that I don't like her. Like she isn't reading in between the lines. She doesn't get what I mean, just what I'm saying. She has the power to assume the most utterly ridiculous things that I'm honestly not thinking or doing, yet this one time, she can't come to her own damn conclusion. I am shit outta luck.

Well, actually, I wasn't then. But I am now. Because I'm stuck in some damn weird suspended-animation pod thing and I don't even know how I got here. I don't remember being kidnapped but I guess I was, and it's all really trippy. I don't know what the fuck is going on anymore. I think I'll just go back to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – _**O**_ – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Maka twirled around in her cage of suspended animation, trying to determine where she was. She wondered at first if this weren't one of Doctor Stein's very strange experiments, but she didn't see any signs of either Stein or Marie. In fact, she couldn't see any signs of…anything. She saw a yellow-orange tint over everything, but no way to know where she was.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – _**S**_ – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Shit. I still don't know where the fuck I am. This is getting annoying, and where the heck is Maka?

My neck is beginning to hurt.

…

How long have I been here?

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – _**O**_ – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Doctor Stein walked into his classroom, cigarette between his lips. Shibusen had tried to pass a no-smoking rule, but whether or not they'd been successful simply wasn't important to Stein; he was stressed, and he was going to smoke. A group of students were standing around in a circle, whispering worriedly. Stein didn't need to ask to know what they were so upset about.

"Gone? Like, stolen? From their own apartment? How does that even happen?" Kim asked.

Kilik shook his head. "I don't know, but it all seems very suspicious, especially when they're living with that magical cat…"

"Oh please," Ox snorted. "Blair's not nearly smart enough to kidnap her own roommates, especially those two."

"Wow Ox, are you complimenting them?"

"Huh? No, I just meant the way they scream at one another, someone was bound to notice their disappearance."

"Good morning, students." The group froze. "Have you seen Black*Star or Tsubaki?" They all shook their heads. Harvar spoke up.

"I believe Black*Star took Tsubaki, Kid, Liz, and Patti to go find Soul and Maka."

Stein took a drag off his cigarette and exhaled the smoke slowly. "Good." He began speaking to the entire class. "No doubt you all have heard about Soul and Maka's mysterious disappearance," the class collectively nodded. "Well, that's just fine. Because we're going to search for them."


	3. Chapter 3

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – _**S**_ – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

"So I woke up in this totally deserted place. I'm pretty sure it's not that other place where I was the last time I woke up. I'm pretty sure it's some other place because this does not look a science lab…which that other place…did.

No, this is kinda what Death City looks like on Christmas night. It should be peaceful but the way the rest of the world looks is not so it's got eerie 'zombies are about to attack' feeling to it.

So you know how you always watch these horror movies and people just keep walking and doing all of this stupid shit that you know is gonna get them killed and you think it should be pretty obvious to them that they're gonna get killed if they do this stupid shit? Yeah, well, I did some of this stupid shit. Like wandering aimlessly throughout town. Looking for a map.

Yep. Pretty damn stupid. Because, of course, it's not like a video game where maps are sorta just lying everywhere. I have to actually break into a convenience store. And I figure, 'hey, no problem, this place looks deserted.' Well, there is a problem. This place isn't deserted."

The cop takes his sunglasses off and rubs his eyes. "You really expect me to believe that, son?"

I snort. "What other reason could I possibly have for breaking into a convenience store to steal a map of all things?"

He sighs and rubs his eyes again. I don't know why this is so hard to understand. "Okay, let's take this from the top: name, age, and address."

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – _**O**_ – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Black*Star held the map upside down, Kid tried to tie his shoes symmetrically, Liz tried to keep Patti calm, and Tsubaki tried not to break down and start crying. Not only was this mission not going as planned, but it was completely failing. She wondered how long it would be before everyone started yelling at each other.

She sighed loudly and cleared her throat, trying to project her voice over the collective noise. "Guys, why don't we pack the car first?"

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – _**O**_ – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Marie held up a picture in her hand: she was standing next to Stein, Crona in between them. She closed her eyes, willing herself not to think of the memory. She promised Stein she would be okay, that she wouldn't cry over it anymore.

"Are you okay, Marie?" Too late.

Marie put the photo down and smiled unconvincingly at Stein. "Yeah, I'm fine." She tried laugh. "Why? Don't I look fine?"

"Frankly, no." Stein took another hit off of his cigarette before putting it out on his desk. Normally, Marie would have cringed and reminded him that they did have ashtrays for that, but not now. There was too much else to worry about.

"I'm word about Maka and Soul. They remind me so much of us when we were that age."

Stein laughed. "And what's so wrong with that? We made it through okay, didn't we?"

Marie nodded but didn't say anything. Stein made it through everything okay, but Stein had a tendency to repress his emotions. Naigus didn't believe that Stein had any emotions to speak of, but Marie knew better. She'd seen them before. She saw them when Stein politely requested that they no longer be partnered – that he couldn't give her the kind of things that she wanted.

"You miss Crona, don't you?"

Marie shook her head. "It's silly, I know. But I've never had a child…I'm never going to have a child."

Stein shifted uncomfortably and put a hand on Marie's shoulder. "You don't know that, there's still time."

"No there isn't." She shrugged his hand off. "I'm too old now. I don't want Soul and Maka growing bitter and angry like the rest of us."

"Marie is this about –"

"No, it's not Stein," she snapped. "Just forget about it, okay?" Marie stomped off. Stein lit another cigarette, but quickly became too apathetic to smoke it. He snubbed it out on the desk, this time using the spent tobacco to form two crescent moons facing each other, forming an entirely different symbol


End file.
